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| How to Do the Art of Starting a Conversation |
How to Do the Art of Starting a Conversation. Even if you are a shy person, you can learn how to become an expert at talking to other people. This time I will discuss the book The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine.
This book is about how to become an expert at starting, continuing, and ending a conversation with anyone, It doesn't matter what kind of person you are whether you're a shy person or not.
Small talk occurs in many areas of life, from taking the elevator with coworkers to meeting strangers. Although some people think of small talk as useless conversation, it is actually necessary for building relationships, developing friendships, romance and business connections.
Even for some people, the idea of participating in small talk can make them uncomfortable. Instead of seeing conversation as an opportunity, this fear makes it difficult for people to engage in small talk, so they choose to avoid it and miss out on opportunities. But take it easy, this skill can be learned by everyone, regardless of whether you are a sociable person or shy.
How to Do the Art of Starting a Conversation, Which You Can Try
I've summarized them into three highlights from the book The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine:
First, Proficient in small talk can be learned
Shy people mostly think that if they are not naturally born with good communication skills, then they will never be able to speak fluently with anyone, much less with strangers.
However, it should be realized, everyone does not inherit the nature of being an expert in small talk. Therefore, it is important to put those beliefs aside and embrace a new understanding of small talk.
You have to realize that small talk is a skill that can be learned. Of course, everyone is different and some people naturally adapt to social situations better than others. However, most people still need to improve their speaking skills.
When Debra was a shy and fat scholar, she opted for a career in engineering so as not to communicate too much with other people. But her job still requires Debra to participate in meetings and conferences. This incident caused anxiety in her.
In that situation, Debra will go into autopilot mode, try to communicate with other people and ask about their work. However, before long, the conversation went dry after a few minutes.
Everything changed when Debra was 40 years old. She and her husband decided to separate. At that moment, Debra realized that what had been holding her back was her weight and negative self-perception.
She also realized that she had to change if she wanted to meet new people. That's what makes Debra committed to maintaining her health and losing about 29 kilograms of weight.
From there, she developed self-confidence. Debra then trains social skills by trying to observe and imitate people who have reliable speaking skills.
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| How to Do the Art of Starting a Conversation |
At a bar one night, her friend convinced Debra to approach a man he had exchanged glances with but had never approached. The guy named Rex was thrilled when Debra introduced herself. Their conversation that night culminated in a close friendship.
And in time, Rex revealed something surprising that he didn't dare approach Debra that night at the bar because he was too shy.
This confession made Debra realize that this insecurity was not only present in her former self, but that other people were also struggling with the same thing. If Debra hadn't tried to get close to Rex, they wouldn't have built a friendship.
Second, How to start small talk
How are you? How was your job today? We must often hear this question or even ask other people.
But it turns out that this question will quickly end the conversation, because the majority of the interlocutor's responses are like this:
“Good. How are you?"
To have a close conversation, you need to dig deep and not get caught up in everyday questions. It is best to ask open-ended questions.
Open-ended questions show the other person that you really care about what they have to say. For example something like this:
"What do you think about this movie?"
If he says it's good or bad, move on to the question: "Which part did you like or dislike?"
With these questions, you will make the conversation less boring and dynamic. However, keep in mind, when talking, you also have to pay attention to their body language. Whether or not they are comfortable with the question you are asking. If they are uncomfortable, then you should respect them and talk about other topics.
While chatting, there will definitely be times where the conversation turns into an awkward silence. However, if you wait for the other person to think of something to say, you run the risk of boring the conversation. On the other hand, when an awkward silence sets in, then take control and get the conversation back on track.
In addition to using open-ended questions, Debra provides suggestions for FORM formulas, namely Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Miscellaneous. You can talk about family, work, hobbies, or any other category.
In the Miscellaneous category, you are free to create what you want to ask depending on where you are and who you are talking to. For example, if you join a new group of friends, you can ask them how they know each other.
Third, Listen deeply
Have you ever been telling a story, and then felt that the other person wasn't listening? If you have, this will likely frustrate you and maybe even offend you.
For a conversation to run smoothly, both parties need to feel understood, valued, and most importantly, listened to. This means that in addition to actively participating in the conversation, you also need to be an active listener.
Sometimes even though you naturally listen carefully, but you have to make sure that the other person feels the same way, feels that he or she is being heard.
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| How to Do the Art of Starting a Conversation |
One way is to use body language. Avoid crossing your arms, hunching your shoulders, or fiddling with clothes, hair, or jewelry while the other person is talking. Instead what you have to do is, lean forward, you nod, smile, and you have to maintain eye contact.. This is an example of body language that can be practiced as a marker
if you are involved in the conversation 100%. Debra cited a story from an eight-year-old boy named Nicholas.
One day, when he came home from school, Nicholas told his father about what he had been doing all day. He told me he drew mountains in art class, scored goals in gym class, and ate pizza.
However, Nicholas was annoyed that while he was talking, his father was listening while reading the newspaper. Even though his father stopped reading and repeated what Nicholas was talking about, he was still annoyed.
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This is what we have to understand, when we talk to other people, we not only want our conversation to be heard fully, but we also want a real connection while the conversation is taking place.
That's what I wrote about How to Do the Art of Conversation. When talking to other people, what matters most is how you make them feel valued and heard.
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